Where the Rubber Meets the Road
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How can we expect kindness towards others when we are unkind to ourselves?
In this week’s blog post from my forthcoming book The Path to a Peaceful Heart, we take a look at the concept of self inventory, which reveals our revolving patterns and self defeating actions. Representing the first E of PEACE, the PEACE process is the culmination of steps I took over a thirty year period to find understanding, clarity, and finally peace from childhood adversity.
The PEACE process can be applied to anyone’s life in any set of troublesome circumstances. It is a universal model to use and apply to your own situation for tremendous perspective and insight. The PEACE process also provides a helping hand for those who have struggled to find awareness and understanding from the tough times that life has dealt them.
The Path to a Peaceful Heart will pull you up to a higher place in your life.
The second step in the time tested PEACE process is:
Examine Your Pattern through a Self-Inventory
Patterns repeat throughout our lives, but none more vividly in instances where we can’t seem to move forward. The same set of circumstances plays out over and over in your life until you identify it and decide to change it. The first measurement here is to examine your life and behaviors to understand exactly what your pattern is. A self-inventory is not the most popular method of discovery, but it will provide the answers and the path for your breakthrough.
I had my first breakthrough when it dawned on me that all of my romantic relationships were ending the same way. That’s when I finally got it. It had been years since my abuser was involved in any emotional aspect of my life, and yet here I was still acting the same way I had when he was. I noticed I was withdrawn and not sharing myself fully in my interactions with the people in my life. I saw that the problem was inside of me, and not “out there.”
To start your self-inventory, look objectively at what’s happening in your life now. More specifically, what’s not working for you that you wished did? What is the pattern that keeps repeating? What part do you play in this pattern? For me, having any kind of sustained relationship was a major part of what was not working. That pattern played out again and again.
When I decided to stop looking for others to change for me and instead decided to change myself, my entire life and my relationships got exponentially better.
They will for you too.
The full details of the self inventory will be revealed in the book due soon. Stay tuned next week for part 3, the A of the PEACE process. Until then, identify your repeating pattern and be kind to yourself.